somebody snuck up and got me drunk
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
