I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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