i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
