i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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