I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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