I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You are the jesus of drinking
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize
