Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
