So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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