Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
