how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
