We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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