PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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