You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
