You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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