dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
