I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
