dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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