My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
