I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize