I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
don't judge my taste in strippers
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
