I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
