Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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