Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
