3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Text me some of your sweat
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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