I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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