Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
