They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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