Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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