i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
