pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
