he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
