girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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