i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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