I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
