Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
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