she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It's blow job season.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
