Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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