On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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