Midget sex pt 2 tonight
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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