Got a toothbrush?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
