not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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