therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
