Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I could fuck to npr.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
