Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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