dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
