I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
