hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
