Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
