belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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