My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize