There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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