Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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