I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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