after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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