she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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