you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
