My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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