I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
