i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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