So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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