jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
