there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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