weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
