Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
