I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
