Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
