I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
