if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
