just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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