just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
