You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
