i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
