no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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