Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Couch. On fire.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
