its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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