so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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