Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm always down for nudity.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
