i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize