It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
