Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
