After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
