I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
