The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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