Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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