they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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