I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
