lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
