Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize