i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
