you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
