super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
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