Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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