She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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