Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
