mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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