I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
